An Anorexic Creed

I believe in Control, the only force mighty enough to bring order to the chaos that is my world.

I believe that I am the most vile, worthless and useless person ever to have existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention.

I believe that other people who tell me differently must be idiots. If they could see how I really am, then they would hate me almost as much as I do.

I believe in oughts, musts and shoulds as unbreakable laws to determine my daily behaviour.

I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.

I believe in salvation through trying just a bit harder than I did yesterday.

I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of god, and memorise them accordingly.

I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures

I believe in hell, because I sometimes think that I'm living in it.

I believe in a wholly black and white world, the losing of weight, recrimination for sins, the abnegation of the body and a life ever fasting.

Amen

Note: I wrote this creed about six years ago. And when I wrote it, I was already mostly over the attitudes described. I no longer feel this way about myself or my life or food. However, I think that it does give a very accurate depiction of the depths of self hatred felt by many people with an eating disorder.

I've also recently found out that this creed has been adopted by a number of "Pro anorexia" sites, without any attribution or copyright information. If you find such a site, please let me know: I do not condone a pro anorexia attitude nor is this creed intended to express such. I wrote it in order to give other people an understanding into the feelings and thoughts that underlie an eating disorder. I have no affiliations or links with any of the pro-ana sites out there, nor do I recommend this creed as a way of living, even though, in the midst of anorexic starvation, it can seem like the only way to be.

Head back to the Eating Disorders page .. or back to "I Have Survived".