I never told anyone at the time it was happening. I remember in Moscow, my mother asking me what I thought of Bill, and I replied "oh I hated him". Nothing more was said in the subject for the next 20 years. I remember realising that what I knew was wrong on a family holiday in France.. I must have been about 10 or 11 .. and had made friends with a young boy, the son of another english family camping with us. We were teased about being boyfriend and girlfriend.. one day in the woods I asked him if he knew how to french kiss.. he said "sure! like this!" and kissed me in the french manner, on each cheek. I said "no.. like this, with tongues and mouth open". He reacted quickly. "That's DISGUSTING!" and walked away. I realised that it had to be me who was disgusting, and what Bill had taught me that was wrong.

The next person I told was my first steady boyfriend. I was 14 or 15.. and I think that the sex stuff with him was bringing back memories. Plus I was always wanting to be sexual, and I think it was distressing him, always saying no to me. He understood, and was wonderful.. and he suggested I tell the church leaders ... BAD MOVE.. they said that the abuse had been a shut up box that I had now let Jesus into, and now I had to close it up and not talk about it again, and let Jesus do the healing.

So I didn't tell anyone for a while after that.. it wasn't until I went to university and things started going wrong .. badly wrong... I was referred to a psychiatrist and started talking and healing then. But that leads onto the next page...

Back to "I Have Survived" or on to next page in my story...